Capricornus

The door is closing again.
Once before I knew how difficult
It is
To keep one's eyelids open staring
Into light.

The minutiae of the world
Bear me down.
I cannot keep that blue
Circle of sky
In sight.
I lower my head
Snort
Kick at a patch
Of dirt around my hoof
Soon
I become entrenched
Examining every speck
Delighting in the grubs.

Grubs!

All the while my fish tail
Itching writhing drying forgotten
And confined.

When we have managed to escape
We have reached water
We have felt home
Surrounded by wide open beckoning,
Miraculous

"You can always come back here" I heard
Whispered once in the space between
Wakefulness and sleep
The two worlds seemed reconcilable:

Brutal-chaotic-struggling-noisy-fake-false-unloving-infinitely
Rich-wide-open-beckoning-miraculous-real-but-
I am HERE!

Washed up onto this shore
Half goat
Half fish
Not knowing where and how to rest my head.
Perhaps
The answer lies
In learning how to love my horns and hairy chin?
My yellow stupid eyes?

My goat-self eats the world
Without discrimination
My fish-self wants only to
Belong be enveloped by
A greater source
Torn, ripping flesh between two worlds
How can I keep this doorway open?

If we cannot live here then
I must return each day
To knock
And force the guardians to remember me
The sound
Of my voice
Underwater
The goat-self must remember
We can swim
My hooves must knock
My horns must batter

Till we see.

Copyright Iole Damaskinos 2005